So the boy has written his post on Etiquette, and I agree with him 100% but I want to open it up a bit wider (oo-err) and beyond play/sex. Firstly, I hate that word "Etiquette". When I think of that word I think about old Madam's with hair buns teaching young girls from well-to-do families how to control their staff and find a good man; I think of young girls learning how to cross their legs gracefully and how to get in and out of a car. The Brits amoungst you will know what I mean when I say "Cheltenham Ladies College"; the Non-Brits can google it ;-)
Further more, if any of you have read Larry Townshend's The Leatherman's Handbook, you will have heard of Old Guard. In short, and my own personal opinion, is that although the book has a lot of great information and advice, a lot of its comment on protocols, laws, tradition etc are distracting and put a lot of people off finding out more useful information, and distracts from the journey into leather and kink.
So does this mean that protocols, rules and the like have no place in the modern kink world? NO! What I am saying is that noone has to comply with a predefined set of rules and standards; but it is important (and fun) for each couple/family/group to come up with their own. We should all respect the rules that each group comes up with, rather than criticise them.
There is one exception. One global law that in my opinion, we all need to comply with. One rule that will help us in all of our journeys whether it be a well travelled one, or for someone who is just embarking on theirs. This law is simple Respect eachother's kinks, play, relationships and family set up.
Furthermore, any texts that define what a Master/Sir is, what a boy is and what a slave is, should be immediately disregarded. Do you have a standard text that defines the role and character of a man or woman? No, so why should we believe such definitions in the kink world?
Many "Old Guard Leathermen" would look at the way my boy behaves and would show their disgust and may even criticise me for letting him behave in certain ways. To be honest, if I had a boy that complied with the Old Guard definitions; I would be bored to hell. Some Doms want a compliant, service-orientated boy or slave, and, if thats what makes them feel good or gets their dick hard - great - Im happy that they have what they want/need, but respect that the boy I have is what I want, and how he behaves is my problem, not theirs.
So whats my point? Many people reading this post will be on the start of their journey into leather and kink, feeling that they have to learn history, comply with rules, regulations and expectations can only hinder that journey and might put them off all together. The point of this post is that in my opinion, you should ignore all the crap and comply with one single philosophy; RESPECT!
Some examples of what I mean:
1) If you are watching a couple or group play, and are interested in finding out more - dont just barge in or try to join their play - wait for an appropriate moment after the scene has ended and approach them to see if they are willing to discuss with you. Many experienced players are more than happy to talk about their kinks, lives, techniques etc at the appropiate time, in the appropriate setting.
2) Dont criticize other people's kinks because they do not appeal to you. I myself have fallen foul of this one; and was reminded by my boy. (YES A Sir can learn from his boy, that would have some "oldguardians" quaking in their boots!)
3) Respect the play space - folks that just try to "join in" can ruin a scene or put themselves in danger of getting hit by something
4) Respect Kinksters for defining their own rules and relationships; dont criticize people for non-compliance to a non-existant "Norm".
5) Respect the restrictions that a Sub informs you that are defined by his family. If a sub says he is not allowed to do "X", respect that and discuss doing "Y". Once our pup was criticized for not being available to a Dom on a particular night, we had given our pup a "night off" while in Berlin, and pup was criticized for not being available when that Dom wanted him; that Dom should have respected pup's family committments.
Im sure Ive upset a few people with this post; but they should not be so upset; this is my opinion, this works for our family and if its different for them, I RESPECT that!
This may make some people cringe - but I feel its pertinent to my post. A Poem, by Kipling.
|IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Copyright Kipling Society