The perils of Cruising (Part 2)
Its been almost a month since I posted part 1 of this blog, and thanks for all the positive feedback! This has been a more challenging one to write, and I have canvassed my friends and leather family for contributions (thanks all)
In this 2nd part I want to talk about Internet Cruising. A subject dear to my heart, but I need to set the scene.
Professionally, I am in the IT Industry and was one of the very early adopters of the internet, and in fact some of its predecessors being JANET and ARPANET. This was professionally. I was even lucky enough to have a meeting with Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of www at CERN in the early 90's. The internet, you could say, facilitated my career and continues to be my bread and butter.
It has revolutionized our lives, but what did it do for my sex life?
Before I "came out" The Internet was my source of porn. I remember the huge phone bills due to me waiting for a low res picture of a leather clad man to download from CompUseve across my 14400 baud modem. Eagerly waiting for that night's wanking material to arrive! Then, the internet was vital to my sex-life and my right hand! But since then, it has been more of a source of sexual frustration than sexual release!
Generally, gay men use the internet for 3 reasons (other than "retail" shopping!)
3) Staying in touch/Communicating with friends
Lets take the easiest one first, the 3rd - For communications, granted - the Internet is invaluable, and without it we would all be lost.
The other two? oh dear...
Firstly, Cybersex. In short - not for me. It just doesn't push my buttons, I cant get a boner from a webcam image - for those that can, great, I wish I could, but for me, Id rather watch a porn movie.
But there is a side of Cybersex that really, really, really gets me - CyberMasters/Sirs and CyberSlaves/Subs. I get a lot of messages that just say "webcam?" or "Skype?" from subs I have never even met, or chatted to. Sometimes such messages are preceded by "Are you in your gear now?" What the sender actually means is "Im horny, and/or frustrated and I want to wank off looking at you in leather now" Its not my job, nor my wish to relieve the sexual tension of someone I dont even know. Usually, depending on my mood, I either ignore such messages or give a rather caustic or sarcastic reply.
A "cyberslave" recruiting others for his "cybermaster"
Not so long ago, my boy sent me a screenshot of a chat on recon (see below) Firstly, you have to laugh that the guy calls himself a cybermaster and then his cyberslave talks about a "real" MASTER! Both the sender, and the referenced Master are no longer on Recon under the profile names used - and I think that happens for a lot of these idiots - they are temporary accounts created for a quick thrill. The boy gets a few of these and again, depending on his mood, he can be cheeky in replying - no, scratch that, it doesn't depend on his mood, he's always cheeky - he's a brat!
Again, you can see from the chat here - a Temporary account is used. So can this be an aid for some to identify these idiots/faker's? No, not always, some of the real idiots don't have a temp account, they use a fixed one, and may have many friends. Its good that site's like recon display warnings about users with new accounts or with no friends, its a good indication, but thats it.
Now, Im sure that there are some "genuine" cyberDOMS and cyberSUBS that get something out of these chats and other virtual escapades but I don't, and I don't think the sort of people that do are the sort of folks that I would be friends with, have a beer with or would want to meet!
But to me, any sort of fulfilling SM relationship needs to be at least partly in person, perhaps an initial contact can be facilitated on line, but this should potentially lead to a face to face meet - otherwise what's the point?
Finally in this section, one day our pup contacted me. He had received a message on Recon from a guy in Australia (our pup lives in Paris) And this is an example of something that really annoys me - folks that send a message or worse try to "recruit" without even reading that person's profile! Again, signifies someone that is looking for a quick thrill. Pup had received similar messages from this guy before and asked me to deal with it.
I looked at the guy's profile and it had an interesting heading "Looking for something real" Again, like the CyberSlave earlier I think he must have been working on a rather different definition of the word "real" than I or in fact most of us would use! Needless to say, I never had a reply from my message.
Ok, now that my rant is complete on CyberBDSM, on to more traditional cruising....
The Quick Cruise
The Smartphone era is here, mobile cruising is possible from your phone or iPad. So, your in an area of HGD (High Gay Density), or even better ERHGD (Event Related High Gay Density) and your horny. So you whop out your device and can be presented with a list of horned up men in order of proximity (str8 people's jaws drop open when we tell them that this is possible - especially men) In this, I can see the value - a short chat where "Fuck or Flee" can be assessed quickly, leading to a meet in the short term, or even better, a knock on your hotel door. This can be fun.My boy was recently on vacation with h
is BF (my BFF) and armed with his iPad, and his recent libido hike, he started up Growlr. Now it has to be said, that this was several days into his vacation, and he had "had" quite a few encounters, his brief response to a quickie request, and his subsequent reply did make me laugh.
The demanding sub
If I had a penny for the amount of times that I received a message on one of the usual sites, that starts with a request, either, "Fuck me", "Fist me", "Dominate me" or "Beat me" Id be a rich man. These are supposedly "submissive guys" who are demanding attention to make them happy/relieved/excited etc. When I started to receive these, I used to respond, but it was a waste of time, so I just eventually learned to ignore them. However here I have learned from friends and family - a few examples of some very fun replies to such people! To the right is perhaps my favourite of them all (Thanks Sir Robert!) I want, I want, I want! Dont people have any manners? I know they are horny, and probably think they are the best thing since sliced bread, but anyone who answers yes to such a request really should think more! A couple more at the end of this post that may make you smile!
So, in closing, for me all of these chat sites are a way to keep in touch with friends, or at an event or area of HGD, if Im looking for a quickie. If Im really bored, horny, and my boy or pup are not to hand, I may dabble in a little light cruising, but in all cases it would be for a short chat to see if we are remotely compatible, leading to a face to face meet in the short term. If such a meet is arranged, I always make it clear that there are no promises until we meet and see what (if any) chemistry exists
The day after I wrote this, guess what - the boy received a gem of a message. Now we have all been bothered (i'm sure) by the Ghana boys scamming folks for money. Well it appears that their intelligence network has informed these fakers about the BDSM community - just glance to the left ;-)
As promised - a couple of more gems