NOT Dear Abby


Although this is an advice blog, it is not meant as a platform for a snotty know-it-all to dole out advice willy-nilly with a humoristic undercurrent. Although often snotty, I don’t pretend to know it all.

Instead, I intend this to be a collection of blog-entries around specific subjects to be used as resources for anyone who is interested in that specific subject. As I learn of new useful information on a subject, I will update that blog-entry.

The basics:

I write this blog in English to make it accessible for an as big an audience  as possible.  Also, being gay, and intending to talk  with/to gay men, all subjects will be viewed in an all-male homosexual setting.  If you are straight, Hetero-flex, bi-curious, pansexual, transgender, female, several of the above  or anything not male homosexual and are offended by this;  this blog contains secret gay stuff that you have no right to read; as decreed by the International High Gay Counsel.

In no way do I pretend that all my thoughts are original and not influenced by a multitude of websites, books  and people whom probably deserve credit and should be mentioned. If I could only remember who said what first, I would.

The intermediate:

For most subjects I might be as much a novice to as the next guy; so I will try to approach each subject as exactly that, a novice. With thousands of kinks out there,  practicing  all of them is neither possible or enjoyable. So I may point out the obvious or  try to figure out the attraction of a kink, give tips and tricks as I have them and include links to webpages that deal with that subject.

If you have comments on a blog entry, please post anything constructive about things I may have gotten wrong, you (dis)agrees with, is missing or is useful. As I update the entry, those comments will incorporated and removed.

If you have suggestions for new subjects, please post suggestions to this entry. That way I know what people are looking for. Subjects will vary from the purely focused on a specific activity to a more social or psychological one. Topics that come to mind right now are:  wax-play, kink-terminology, flogging,  etiquette in BDSM,  cleaning-out, BDSM myths & legends,…

Tips & tricks:

 none so far, i'll think of something eventually.


Useful things:

  • A website by, for and about the BDSM society: leatherati
  • a lot has been said about this book & it’s author, not all of it good. But I read it as a young man and nobody can deny it has put its mark on the world: leatherman's handbook